WEDDING DESTINATION: PAMPANGA YEAR 2 GRAND BRIDAL FAIR

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Wedding Essentials magazine July- December 2010 issue. Valerie Weigmann photographed by Doc Marlon Pecjo at the beautiful Shangri-la Boracay.Styling by Rey Santos. Hair and Make-up by Victor Ortega. Gown by Lui & Jon (And kinda matches my site too! haha)

Beloved Ashes

ashes caressed by the rain swept through the avenues of fragile glee...
ash transfigured into mush, murky like the darkest emotions of his heart...
i want to hold him, in his soiled state, i must and i did...
felt the gritty skin of his body close to mine...

I held him closer, pounding heart in a naked chest...
sobbing eyes like pearls... his strength gone, and dying- but it has to be...
i knew deep inside me he should. devoured by self, to be masticated into a new person...
i should wait, as the rain still pours... as his soul slowly diffuses...
as i fight the scene of witnessing the agony of a beloved

fell asleep while waiting... and as i opened my tired eyes, he's gone.
my face laden with gray dust... ash... the victorious rebirth i never saw.
My beloved left anew... heart full of grief i sat there. tears cutting through the ash on my face...
i was both happy and sad... alive and dead... asleep and awake...
i was both my beloved and me...

i was both my beloved and me... then a spark of hope.
He never left but instead became a part of me...
a mysterious union that only two genuine hearts could summon...
i could feel his cry when i cry... his words and mine come out of my mouth...
i could imagine his deepest thoughts in my memory...
one finally...



Choloisms Poetry June 18, 2010

Can't Wait. :)

CHOLOISMS: Gay Love

LOVE
(from the FABULOUS! Blogazine Feb-Mar Issue)

Gay Love is the topic I imposed on contributors for this issue. It’s supposed to be romantic, almost giddy-ishly childish. But then as I waited for articles, I noticed the frequency was less than the number of the razor clipper of choice of my barber when I go to trim my hair. Zero. Odd, but I can’t help but think that most of the writers I asked to, seemed to be jaded with love, or don’t know where to start or simply pressured by the lovingly imposed task. Odd, but seemingly predictable for me. I’m not jaded, but I do shun the idea. Coincidentally though, that upon writing this column, Aretha Franklin was belting at my background singing “God Bless the Child.” God bless the child that got his own, the song states… and maybe that’s the situation here. Maybe in jaded-ness, one finds his independence, his own self, thus singleness. And singleness merged with independence can be addictive. Speaking for myself, that’s my case for now.



Relationships for me is always imparted and shared. Like the love that comes with it, it should overflow from within in order to share it. Damn the script writer who made Tom Cruise say “You complete me” and the eventual eternal existence of the misleading statement. All I know is that you should love yourself first with all of your discrepancies, before you could love someone. And not find the emptiness or what’s lacking in you from others through relationships. That’s where I think the pitfall of jaded people starts. There is emotional dependency because of the lack of it for one self. No I’m not asking people to simply be narcissistically in love with themselves, but more of acceptance, and seeing your self in a different perspective as a vessel of love. And trust me, I learned that the hard way.

Sorry I’m becoming too preachy but I’m confident that I did hit some soft spots there. Susan Sarandon’s character on this particular movie that I totally forgot the title of encompassed the realistic view of what Love is and why people seem to be craving for relationships all the time… She uttered these lines in a very casual manner and with conviction… “we just need witnesses to our lives.” Hurtfully frank but true. We engage ourselves in the hooplah called relationships because we primarily needed witnesses to our existence. And as humans we naturally become emotionally attached with the idea backed up with media romanticizing the real spectrum it. The thought of being alone, growing old seemed to be threatening at the back of our minds, that in the billions of people around the world, one life wouldn’t matter unless you put the effort to be seen. That’s why we try to achieve something, we set goals, and involve other people to engage in our live and that includes wives, husbands, friends, partners even for some, pets.

Bottomline here. Am pointing out how you see relationships and clearly defining it for yourself. It’s not an obligation that we should accomplish but at the same time it’s a very joyous interaction at the same time. No one is wrong on how they respectfully view it for as long as there is happiness involved. I’m speaking for the single people who love being single but I also commend the people who are in relationships and fighting for them through thick and thin and working it through the true sense of the word. Love, in the first place, is what makes us human and special so why not? 

Tarik-fic!

Early in the morning, tensed and groggy from lack of sleep, I eagerly await the live telecast of the 2010 Grammy awards. Sipping my coffee and after my second cigarette, the voice over started and the stage was flashed on the screen. Hearing the familiar sound of a now gay culture icon, I stopped puffing my cigarette and fully focus on what I’m watching. Then a platinum blond Lady Gaga jumped from a platform wearing this high cut, exaggerated shoulder in aqua-turquoise ensemble only she could run away with. Superb performance I thought. I went on watching the awards show till I reached the part when Jennifer Hudson entered the stage wearing this black gown with sleeves oddly familiar. Tamer than Lady Gaga’s but still the exaggerated architectural sleeve gave me feelings of familiarity, like the ones you have when you have de ja vu’s. Then upon the end of the show I finally realized what it was. In one word: Tarik.


Having been in the fashion industry for quite some time now, I do have a little understanding on how my fashion designer- clients construct the butterfly sleeves. A certain amount of precisely executed pleats, should be strategically placed along the part where the shoulder and strap of the dress is to meet. And based on my observation from the fashions the artist I’ve mentioned, their sleeves are similarly constructed to have that full structural detail. I wondered if I was going to be proud since it’s another way of pointing out to the world “The Filipinos thought of that style a long time ago” or fashionably jaded since why didn’t a Filipino designer thought of that way ahead of their European counterparts?



The trend is really out there. I browsed through a lot of collections from international designers and they too emulate and constantly developing the trend. Who would have thought that the sleeve shape of the Filipiniana would have massive international and pop appeal. Then again, no Filipino is responsible maybe because we are more geared to adapt than to set trends. In a general view of what’s the state of Philippine Fashion, I do salute the people who try their best to push modern Filipiniana, like Gaupo, Tan Gan with her vast collection of Knit-indigenous blend collection, twisting the costume like into wearable outfits. Maybe that’s what we lack. Tan Gan bravely put herself forth to push for the look, but hey I must also stress that she’s been doing this for so long now, and almost alone with no younger generations to push forth what’s needed to make our brand Filipiniana, have that international buzz.



Though after analyzing such an inevitable topic, I do have this other thought in mind: What is Filipiniana in the first place? This thought led me to surmise again the article that my friend, famed shoe designer Brian Tenorio, wrote about what defines “Filipiniana.” In passing, Brian pointed out that “World-Filipiniana, on the other hand, is that area in space where products are Filipino either by origin, design, or execution with qualities that take on the global aesthetic.” Assuming that indeed a Filipino, maybe an assistant to the main designer somewhere in Paris or Milan, may have suggested the sleeve detail and eventually snowballed the detail in to international fame, should we as Filipinos then could claim the trend even though at the inside of that Swarovski encrusted number Lady Gaga wore states the name of a designer we could barely read fluently? Anyways, that is another blog. One thing’s for sure though, even though the starlets of Hollywood and the world of international pop music may be sporting the trend, way before the Jenifer Hudson open side version in black, or Rihanna’s suited puffy one… or even Gaga’s ga-ga versions… we have our own Lady ever loyal to the sleeves, way before it became an international “trend”… Lady Imelda. LOLs.

In Pursuit of Happiness

Last year, around the start of December, was so symbolical in my life, an event so personal I couldn’t really share it on public. Anyways, the point is, that event made the catalyst to alter the way I think regarding life. That no matter what you do, you’ll be greeted at the end of the day by the realization of your existence as a speck in an ocean of people. With that in mind I realized one thing, that in my insignificance, I should do something to make my life exist, at least on a personal level. First I drew the outlines of what defines my happiness.

What is happiness? Is it just a feeling or way of life, or even something that can be dictated by the laws of man and God? Is making yourself happy trickle the fences between selflessness and selfishness? Is happiness just a myth specially to those people whom you find miserable all the time, and thus concluding for yourself that it could actually happen to you? Then a big light bulb moment happened while I was finely slicing one pungent onion in the kitchen. Most of us forget how subjective happiness is. It’s what we make out of it: outline done.

Surmising on that thought all month was no easy deal. I can make a list of the most complex items, events and circumstances that might make me happy but analyzing each one of them would yield either others being sad or even like a pop up book, would surprise you that it’s not really what makes you happy after all. Inconclusive still, I just stopped thinking about it. I committed myself to hosting one big new year’s dinner for friends without even thinking about it. My mind was occupied to what will I serve that night and the possible logistical nightmares along the way towards that one big event.

January 1, 2010… New year’s dinner morning, I started to knead the dough for my Hoisin Duck Wraps. Like I maniacal domestic goddess I started to make my way around the kitchen with friends to slave along, hectic and unrelenting, non stop chopping and cooking all day. The two Ducks I’ve ask a friend to freeze in their home didn’t come on time since he was so drunk the night before. The hand made dim sums I put in a chiller suddenly drenched in thawed ice and watered down and had to be rewrapped again in full dexterity, the rice noodles I tried to ever perfect over cooked again while I just blanched them in boiling water. One after the other everything was not in sync with what I planned for. A disaster waiting to happen I thought. So I braced myself for the worst.

Frantic and panicky, I started to recover from the ashes I befall on myself, manning my slave friends and the non stop trouble shooting prettily iron things out. The dough I made earlier cracked while rolling the not so tender duck and a few drowned down sprigs of spring onion. I don’t care anymore. I was tired, having a splitting head ache, and the turquoise shirt I was planning to wear (since I did advise everyone to wear turquoise for the dinner) that night didn’t really fit me at all. But I was just there looking at everyone, and even though with all the errors that day I was in fact HAPPY. I thought, maybe this was really how being genuinely happy is. You disregard all negativity, the complexities of over analyzing things and then trimming down to one genuine feeling and ultimately appreciating the simplicity of how thing’s were and are. The first guests came and the first person I greeted wasn’t really wearing turquoise, but that didn’t really affect me at all. What was running through my mind was hoping that everyone will enjoy each other’s company, the food and simply celebrating the new year together as good friends and as good people.

Now, as I remember that day, I feel blessed and happy to have achieved such level of thinking: realizing that happiness isn’t really a personal thing that you bestow on yourself, but an energy that you share in connection to other people. This is where happiness embodies a new definition… it is not just subjective, but also it is relevant. Simple. Happiness is a life force that bonds people together. A new year is ahead for all of us., and maybe as Fabs members, we aren’t really here just because, we share a common lifestyle, or ideals or even just by mere association. Maybe the group has formed and still exists till now simply because all of us are in pursuit of happiness and that happiness we somehow found in each other’s company. Admit it or not.